Archive for wonkotsane

More on Mumbai

November 28, 2008 Terrorism 3 comments

Well, this is the longest two hours in history.  This morning the authorities in Mumbai were saying that they’d be done and dusted in a couple of hours and six hours later they’re still going at it.

I really don’t understand what’s going on down there, there’s something we’re not being told.  I’m confident that if this was in London or Birmingham or Manchester it would have been over by lunchtime yesterday.  The SAS or someone similar would have been in there, the terrorists would be in body bags and the hostages back home with their families.  But these lot, well versed in anti-terrorism from decades of India-Pakistan strife, are still fannying round nearly two days later.

I smell a rat (and I’m pretty sure it’s not in the curry).

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Do as I say, not as I do

November 28, 2008 General 3 comments

David Blunkett says that everyone between the age of 16 and 25 should do at least 6 months of intensive voluntary work.

An interesting proposition but not something I can see many 16 to 25 year olds going for it.  How about our MPs set an example by doing intensive volunteer work during the 6 months a year that they don’t do anything to earn their very generous salaries?  Blunkett claimed over £143k in allowances last year on top of his MPs salary of just over £63k.

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Another Mumbai terrorist attack update

November 28, 2008 Terrorism 2 comments

Indian troops are clearing the last of the terrorists out of the Taj Mahal Palace and Oberoi Trident hotels and a Jewish outreach centre where a Rabbi and other hostages have been taken.

The death toll has increased to 130 and it will no doubt increase during the next couple of hours while troops are on the offensive.

A Mauritius ID card has been found in one of the terrorists bags which would tie in with observations that several of them looked south asian.  The only clear image they seem to have of any of the terrorists doesn’t look like an Indian, more south east asian.

A couple of people have put forward a theory on who’s behind the attacks on this post but I don’t think we’ll find out for some time.  Nobody knows who Deccan Mujahaneed is and they’re not letting on what their motivation is yet.  The man making the demands to the police had to ask someone else what it was they wanted.

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Bah Humbug

November 27, 2008 WTF? 2 comments

Although I’m looking forward to Christmas more this year than in the past, I’m starting to remember just why it is that I detest the run-up to Christmas.

BBC Breakfast had carol singers on this morning.  Carol singers.  A month before Christmas.  But it gets better.  Someone at work bought a Christmas chocolate log the other week and the best before date …

xmaslog.png

Out of date a week before Christmas.  That really is taking the piss.

Bah Humbug.

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Mumbai terrorist attacks update

November 27, 2008 Terrorism 6 comments

Not a huge amount has changed overnight other than troops surrounding the two hotels where the terrorists are holding hostages and the death toll increasing.

Last night they estimated that about 20 or so people had been killed, this morning they’re saying it’s 101.  Eighteen police officers are amongst the 101 dead, including Mumbai state’s chief anti-terrorism officer.

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Terrorists attack Mumbai hotels

November 26, 2008 Terrorism 2 comments

Just got out of a relaxing soak in the bath, went downstairs as Mrs Sane was just watching Robert Kiljoy-Sick getting kicked out of the jungle and the news came on saying that 8 hotels in Mumbai had suffered terrorist attacks.  Which was a bit of a downer and put paid to the plan to go straight to bed.
The attacks were well co-ordinated and a small-time group of Islamic terrorists called Deccan Mujahadeen have claimed responsibility.  They set off bombs in the hotels and used automatic weapons.  They apparently targeted US and UK passport holders, demanding to know who had one and taking them away.  Hostages are being held in 2 of the hotels.

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Open up, I’m from the Ginger Protection League

November 26, 2008 WTF? 8 comments

A man in Perthshire has been jailed for assaulting a police officer, singing Spider Pig at them and calling another one “ginger”.

Best go through all those posts and find the references to ginger strawberry blonde people before the anti-terrorist squad come knocking on the door.  Is there anything that can’t be used as “aggravation” in a crime nowadays?  Racially-motivated, gender-motivated, disability-motivated, ginger strawberry blonde motivated.  When will it stop?

Hat-tip: Axel in the comments on this post.

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Dyspraxia

November 24, 2008 General 16 comments

Number 3 was diagnosed with dyspraxia a while ago and as he’s getting older he’s displaying all the classic symptoms, not to mention being incredibly frustrating.

Dyspraxia is a developmental disorder that affects someone for their whole life.  The symptoms include being fidgetty, a lack of concentration, having difficulty adapting to new situations, frustration (with the associated mood swings) and poor co-ordination.  Here’s an everyday example of dyspraxia in action with #3: send him to his room to get dressed, he starts to put his clothes on (eventually) and can’t find his socks.  Rather than carry on getting dressed and asking for socks afterwards he’ll sit on the floor and wait until someone comes to find him or he’ll wander off half dressed and do something else.  Once he’s figured out how he’s going to do something, if he can’t do it in that order he can’t get his head around the rest of it.

We were lucky because #3 was diagnosed early and because I’m the sort of person who makes sure that they get what I want whenever possible, we got help from the local authority.  Not too much help, mind, but they’ve made some effort.  They’ve been in to see #3 at school and done assessments and helped his teacher to come up with ways to help him.  The most simple thing was giving him a chunky, three sided pencil which is the difference between squashed spider and legible handwriting.

Like I said, the local authority have made an effort but there’s still more they could be doing.  We only know what the symptoms of dyspraxia are because we’ve been on the internet and found them out.  The realisation that we’d been punishing him or getting frustrated with him over things that aren’t his fault wasn’t a nice moment but nobody told us what to expect or how to deal with it and believe me, when a 6 year old child is standing in front of you laughing hysterically when you’re telling them off for something, it’s hard to stay calm!

Have any of my readers had to cope with a child with dyspraxia?  Got any tips?

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Erm …

November 22, 2008 General 7 comments

Michael Jackson has converted to Islam and changed his name to Mikaeel.

That’s it.

No punchline.

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Gas & Electricity bills

November 22, 2008 General 5 comments

Tory MP, Peter Luff, has criticised gas and electricity companies for putting up customers’ direct debits unnecessarily.

I can confirm this happens with Grittish Bass – I’ve had to tell them the last two or three times that they’ve sent a bill to reduce the direct debit because they’ve put it up for no reason.  On one occasion they actually put the direct debit up while we were in credit.

The reason why they do it is quite simple – they invest the credit balances on accounts and pocket the profit.  The direct debit amount is calculated by a computer which estimates how much gas and electric you’re going to use over the next quarter but of course, the computer will use whatever rules it’s been given to come up with a figure and the rules they’re using are coming up with artificially high figures.

There is a simple solution though – if your gas or electricity company sends you a bill with a revised direct debit that you think is unreasonable then tell them.  I’ve certainly had no problems telling them how much I’m prepared to pay, you just need to be firm when they try and persuade you to pay what they want.

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Thanks for nothing doc

November 22, 2008 Health 5 comments

The other day I went to the doctors and saw the triage nurse to ask for some antibiotics to sort out the infection in my gum.

I know I’ve got an infection in my gum because I had it about a month and a half ago and I know I need some antibiotics because that’s what the dentist prescribed me last time.  But could I get a doctor to give me a prescription?  Could I bollocks.

The nurse looked at my gum and agreed that it was red and looked infected.  She went and talked to a doctor but the answer from the doctor was “take ibuprofen and if it gets worse go to the dentist”.

Doctors aren’t dentists and I accept that but they are capable of diagnosing an infected gum, just as they are capable of diagnosing an infection anywhere else in the body.  There is no reason why I should have to pay to spend two minutes in the dentists chair just to get a bloody prescription for some antibiotics.

In case you’re wondering, it’s getting better now after 3 or 4 days of pain and enough ibuprofen and paracetamol to sedate a bull elephant.

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Sticks and stones

November 20, 2008 Come the revolution, Labour, Police State 6 comments

It’s not very often I come out in defence of an MP and even less often a Liebour MP but I have to defend Paul Flynn MP over the attempted censorship of his blog.

Flynn makes fun of his fellow MPs and gives them nicknames on his blog.  Some of the things he says about his colleagues are quite scathing although not with the same vehemence as people like the Devil or the ginger one.  But the Commons thought police didn’t like the idea of him using his propaganda allowance to pay for that sort of thing and told him, in not so many words, to stop taking the piss.

If you look at the top political blogs in terms of visitors, influence and noteriety, the only one written by a politician is Bob Piper and that’s because he’s blunt, critical and takes the piss.  It’s what people want to read, it’s what makes political blogs interesting.  People don’t want to read commentary or extracts of policy, they want to know who’s shagging who, who scratches their arse and then sniffs their fingers, who goes on 12 hour benders in the Commons bar and all that jazz.  They want to see politicians being called names and generally sneered at.

Flynn did the right thing – something you wouldn’t generally expect from a Liebour MP – and dipped his hand in his own pocket to pay the £250 a year cost of hosting his blog which means the Commons thought police have no excuse to censor him.  Interestingly, according to his blog he did this 18 months ago but the BBC are only now reporting it.  It’s common for the dead tree press and even news behemoths like the BBC and Sky to be hours or even days behind blogs but surely 18 months is a bit too long to be excusable?

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Oh dear, oh dear

November 18, 2008 Funny No comments

Please try not to laugh, this is deadly serious.

Someone has leaked the BNP’s membership list and posted it on the internet.

Some BNP members are less than please judging by the comments on one BNP blog. Some of them are unhappy because they’re ashamed of their membership and have been outed and some are understandably worried because they could lose their jobs – such as the police officers who are banned from joining the BNP and whose names and professions are on the list.

There is open revolt on BNP blogs about this. Interesting, there are complaints about the BNP membership figures being inflated by as much as 50% and those false figures being used by Griffin to stop attempts to remove him as leader.

And in case anyone is wondering, I’ve checked the list and there are people I know to be BNP members on the list so it’s genuine.

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Some good news for a change

November 17, 2008 General 10 comments

About 10 years ago my mum was diagnosed Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma.  Needless to say, it was a difficult time for the whole family and I got through it by pretending it wasn’t happening.  She spent a couple of months in isolation in a hospital in Birmingham and had to have her heart stopped twice to bring her heartbeat under control but I still managed to ignore it!  Isn’t the human mind a wonderful thing?

Anyway, she went into remission about 8 years ago and when she went for her annual check-up today they told her that if she goes next year and everything’s ok then they’ll give her the all-clear.  Which is a weight-off my mind, obviously.

And slightly less importantly, but good news nonetheless, is that #3 has developed a healthy taste for hard rock and death metal.  He quite likes a bit of Rammstein, which is nice (yes, I know Rammstein is industrial metal before any metal-geeks feel the need to tell me off!).  Next task it go hunting for some metal tracks that aren’t about sex and drugs or contain more anglo-saxon words than a viking’s dictionary.  Any suitable suggestions for a 6 year old?

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Just imagine …

November 17, 2008 General 2 comments

One of the kids brought home another glossy newspaper-style magazine produced by my local council’s school meals people.

Regular readers will know that I’ve complained about school meals in the past specifically about the rewards schemes they run to get kids pressuring their parents for school meals and reward children that are entitled to free school meals even though they don’t need any incentive other than the meals being free.

At the bottom of the front page of this magazine it says:

FREE School Meals.  Are your kids getting theirs? – Imagine that, no bills, no time spent making packed lunches and the guarantee your child will have a tasty, nutritious meal every day.  See back page for more details.

Sounds great!  I could spend another half an hour in bed in the morning if I didn’t have 4 packed lunches to make.  What do I do to make sure my kids get their FREE, tasty, nutritious meal every day?  Is there a form to fill in?  A number to call?

Your child may qualify for Free School Meals if they are in full time education up to the age of 19 and you and your partner work fewer than 16 hours a week; or receive Income Support, Income Based Jobseekers Allowance or receive Child Taxes Credits and have an annual taxable income of less than £15,575

Ah yes, the same old rules then.  Those of us who work full time or earn more than minimum wage are discriminated against as per bloody usual.  Tell me who’s in a better position to pay for school meals – some scrounging layabout who gets their rent and council tax paid and extra benefits for every child they have or someone who works for a living, has to pay all their own bills and earns the same regardless of how many children they have?

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Breaking Story: Union of Benelux

November 15, 2008 General No comments

I’ve never resurrected a post from the depths of time but I was talking to a Belgian friend this morning and showed him this analogy I wrote back in February 2006 and thought it was worth giving another airing:

The Dutch, Belgian and Luxembourgish governments have today signed an Act of Union, uniting the three countries into the United Kingdom of Benelux.

The new federal government will be based in Amsterdam, the new capital of Benelux.

Belgium and Luxembourg will each have its own devolved government handling local affairs.

The Netherlands will be divided into 6 regions – North, South, West, East and Central Netherlands and the City Region of Amsterdam.

A devolved government for the Netherlands was mooted but was considered too great a risk to the union. The government of Benelux is drawing up plans for regional government in the Netherlands at some point in the future.

A Dutch campaign group raised the concern that Belgian and Luxembourgish politicians would be voting on legislation that only applied to the Netherlands. The Belgian-born president of Benelux gave the matter consideration but it was thought that preventing them from doing so would disenfranchise voters outside of the Netherlands and the concerns were dismissed.

As part of the terms of the Union of Benelux, the Netherlands will pay off the national debt of Belgium and Luxembourg and a new funding structure put in place which will see the Netherlands subsidise Belgium and Luxembourg whilst they work towards bringing their economy up to the same level as the Netherlands.

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Parliament “too white”

November 14, 2008 Political Correctness, WTF? 14 comments

Harriet Harperson, the Minister for Women and Equality (there is no Minister for Men, of course, making it one of the most ironic job titles in the history of modern politics) has decided that the British government is “too white” and they must make efforts to make it more representative of the general population.

She’s even intending to launch an inquiry into why there are more white men in parliament than women or ethnic minorities and “positive discrimination” has been mooted again as a way of cheating the system to fulfill arbitrary quotas.

The last thing we need in these troubled economic times is an expensive inquiry so I’ll save the taxpayer some money by telling Harriet Harperson the answer myself, free of charge:

Dear Ms Harperson,

I read, with interest, your comments on the “too white” British Parliament and wished to offer your my support.  I appreciate that words are of no use to someone with so many jobs and so much inequality to stamp out so I will offer you some practical support.

I note that you are intending to launch an inquiry into why there are so many white male MPs in parliament.  As luck would have it, I have previously investigated this and discovered the cause of this democratic defecit.  There are a number of factors involved:

  • More white males want to be MPs
  • More white males put themselves forward for selection
  • More white males are voted to be candidates by their party
  • More white males are voted for in elecions

I hope this helps with your investigations and saves you launching an expensive inquiry into how you and your colleagues became MPs.  I look forward to reading your proposals for ensuring that parliament has adequate quotas of ethnic minority, female, disabled, homosexual, trans-gender and other oppressed sections of society.

Kind Regards,

Wonko

If anyone else wants to send the findings of their own investigations, you can contact Harriet Harperson by email at harmanh@parliament.uk.

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Public Health Warning

November 14, 2008 Health, WTF? 16 comments

“The authorities” in the West Midlands are appealing for possible victims of a HIV-infected man who has been knowingly having unprotected sex with women for a couple of years to come forward and get tested so they don’t unwittingly pass the infection on to others.

Unfortunately, the man can’t be named for legal reasons even though he’s been convicted so they’re advising any women who think they might have slept with a man they can’t name, describe or show a picture of after being picked up in a club in the West Midlands in the last couple of years to get themselves tested.

What a fucking joke.  Name the bastard, put his picture on the internet and on billboards around the West Midlands and then handcuff him to a lampost in Broad Street in Birmingham for a couple of hours.

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It’s all in the database

November 14, 2008 General 2 comments

I saw an advert on the BBC today for TV Licensing, the extortion arm of the BBC.

The advert started off all nice and friendly telling the viewer that thanks to their technology you can pay for your TV licence by yearly or monthly direct debit or even weekly by cash.

That’s very generous of them.  What piece of wonderous, customer friendly technology is this?

It’s all in the database

Ah, “the database”.  It’s all for our benefit you know?  All that business with keeping every address in the UK and harassing anyone in “the database” who hasn’t got a TV licence is to protect us, the customer.  Sending threatening letters to anyone who buys any type of TV equipment whether they have a TV licence or not is just a proactive way of reminding us of our responsibilities as good citizens.

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Remembrance Sunday

November 9, 2008 General No comments

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