Dear Dave,
First of all, congratulations on the election results. A bloody nose for Labour and hopefully an indication of their fortunes in the next election (assuming Labour doesn’t cancel elections because they’re not environmentally friendly and pose a terrorist threat of course).
The results in England were pretty conclusive – the English ignored your recent insults and voted in an additional 885 councillors and gave you control of an extra 38 councils.
You may have noticed, however, that the Scottish Parliament elections were a little less productive for the Conservatives. I know that you will be spending a lot of time analysing the results of the elections up north, attending focus groups and coming up with ways to try and convince the Scots of the benefits of the union so I thought I’d save you the effort.
The Scots don’t vote Conservative. They won’t forgive the Conservatives for running their country with a minority and imposing the poll tax on Scotland against the will of Scottish MPs. You have to understand that the only time such practices are acceptable to Scotland is when it is being perpetrated by Scots to the auld enemy. Don’t think that they’ll forget about it by the next election either – Culluden and Banockburn are modern history to your average Scot.
This is how it is – the union is no longer relevant either north or south of the border. Labour keep banging on about the union dividend and how we’re stronger together than apart. The Conservatives also seem to be under the impression that the union must be protected at all costs. Labour’s motivation is plainly self-centred – they can’t get elected in England. The Conservatives, however, have nothing at all to gain from trying to preserve a union that most people north and south of the border aren’t happy with.
The Conservatives have one MP in Scotland and 17 MSPs in the Scottish Parliament. Scotland is never going to vote Conservative again – you’re as popular as the Lib Dems in Scotland, not a position that any self-respecting political party should be happy with! The Conservative Party is an English party, it just hasn’t accepted it yet. What you need to do now is forget about Scotland and concentrate on the people who vote Conservative – the English. We need an English Parliament and an end to the Barnett Formula. If the Scots throw their teddies out of the pram when the gravy train is derailed then that’s their problem – it’s not as if the Scots are actually going to vote for the Conservatives anyway, you can afford to upset them. What you can’t afford to do, though, is irritate English people who are going to vote Conservative.
All the best for the future, hopefully you’ll come to your senses before the next election and start supporting England.
Kind regards,
Wonko the Sane
Archive for Tories
Dear Dave
Cameron doesn’t want to be Prime Minister of England
David Cameron doesn’t want to be Prime Minister of England, he says:
“I want to be prime minister of the United Kingdom. I don’t want to be prime minister of England. It would be easier in some ways [to give up on Scotland]. But I think it’s rather a small, narrow politics to try to draw a line around where you have your strongest supporters.”
Well Dave, that’s easily arranged. You’re doing a fantastic job of alienating every voter in England – you know, the only people who vote Conservative.
UKIP, BNP and the Tories
Iain Dale, in an unusual departure from his normally relatively unbiased blogging, has tried to implicate some sort of link between the BNP and UKIP.
Now this is nothing new – even the BNP do it – but the “link” is a non-issue.
Basically, the BNP has listed UKIP candidates who are standing in constituencies the BNP aren’t contesting and are encouraging BNP supporters to vote UKIP in their stead. Iain this morning posted to his blog that he would be revealing “further links” between the BNP and UKIP … and this was it. UKIP aren’t returning the favour and they haven’t made any statement about the BNPs actions.
Rather than guess what the story was behind it I spoke to a senior UKIPer and asked the question directly. “They’ve done what?” he blustered. UKIP do not have any agreement with the BNP, they don’t want the support of the BNP and they don’t want any links with the BNP – express or implied.
Despite my own personal political leaning – I recently joined, and am standing in the election for, UKIP – I don’t want to turn this blog into a UKIP blog. I’m quite proud of the “non-aligned” Iain gave me last year because it means that despite my pro-English, anti-EU, “small c” conservative inclinations I have obviously managed to keep my writings objective. However, I see this as nothing more than part of the bigger Tory smear campaign against UKIP.
For those that have any doubt that the Tories are scared of UKIP consider the Conservative Party communication that I saw recently that had been sent out to party candidates with a whole section devoted to fighting an election campaign against UKIP. No other party was mentioned – not even their main rival, the Labour Party, with its well-oiled and ruthless propaganda machine.
Anyway, I’m rambling. Iain asks why would the BNP promote UKIP candidates? The answer, to me, is a simple one. The BNP have been trying to infiltrate UKIP for years – a former BNP supporter might end up inside UKIP where they might be able to be “turned”. The main threat to the BNP is the Conservatives who are, politically, the mainstream party that is closest to them. Encouraging BNP voters to vote UKIP weakens the Conservatives and strengthens UKIP. Instead of having a strong Conservative threat they end up with a weakened Conservative opposition and a strengthened UKIP opposition, neither of which are in a strong enough position but who are concentrating their efforts on each other.
You’ve got to admit, it’s a classic strategy and I’m surprised that anyone within the BNP has the gumption to come up with something like this. Iain and his fellow Conservatives might think that they’re doing damage to UKIP by continuing to try and associate UKIP with the BNP but they obviously don’t realise that ultimately they’re giving the BNP a leg up while handicapping themselves.
Edit:
One of the Conservative candidates standing against me in May is an ex-National Front youth leader and now a Tory candidate (not an ex-BNP candidate as I was previously told). Does this mean there is a link between the National Front and the Conservatives?
What about us?
Yesterday the people of Northern Ireland went to the polls to elect assembly members for the Stormont Assembly.
The DUP, under Reverend Ian Paisley, has taken the majority of votes with The IRA Sinn Féin in a fairly close second place.
All parties involved in the Northern Ireland Assembly have until the 25th of March to come to an agreement on power sharing or devolution won’t happen. At least that’s what Tory Bliar has told them but there is no way in the world that the British government are going to go back on their pledge to restore devolution to Northern Ireland.
So where does that leave us, the people of England? Well, it leaves us in precisely the same position that we currently find ourselves – the only nation in Federal Europe that has no direct political representation and the only part of the British Isles that doesn’t have its own government. Scotland has its Parliament, Wales and Northern Ireland have their Assemblies, the Isle of Man has its own Parliament (the oldest in the world apparently), the Channel Islands have their own Parlaiments – even the Scottish Isles have more say over what happens in their little corner of the world than we do with their Islands Council.
Liebour has pledged to restore devolution to Northern Ireland, they pledged to bring devolution to Wales and Scotland but all they’ve pledged for England is to continue the current racist, undemocratic system of asymetric devolution with England ruled directly by the British government. Of course, we’ve been offered devolution but with a big price to pay – the dissolution of England. The only offer of devolved power in England is in the form of regional government, either by Regional Assemblies or City Regions, but its a price too high for most people in this country.
John Major has criticised the way England is being robbed blind and discriminated against by the Scottish Raj but it’s too little too late – he had his chance to do something about it when he was in charge of the country but he chose to do nothing. Only now that it is looking increasingly like becoming the big election issue are the Tories looking to do something about it but even then they can’t bring themselves to give us what we want – an English Parliament.
Yesterday the Conservative MP for Dorset introduced the House of Commons (Participation) Bill which would have implemented the Tory policy of English Votes on English Legislation (EVoEL). The EVoEL proposal would allow the Speaker of the House of Commons (currently a Scottish Labour MP – well, you wouldn’t expect anything else from King Tony would you?) to certify that a bill only affects England and Wales and ban MP’s elected in Scotland and Northern Ireland from debating and voting on it. The bill was opposed and didn’t get a second reading with most opposition coming from what the Daily Mail describes as “hostile, mainly Scottish, MP’s”. The fact that MP’s elected in Scotland are even allowed, let alone have the bare-faced gall, to take part in a debate on whether it is right that they should be allowed to interfere in English legislation only serves to emphasise the ridiculous mess that Liebour have made of devolution.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a supporter of EVoEL – it is an inherently fauly concept and will solve nothing – but it is at least an acknowledgement that there is a problem that needs addressing and should it ever miraculously get passed into the statute books it will fall on its face spectacularly and the only solution will be to introduce an English Parliament.
Tory Lords defect to UKIP
Two Conservative peers – Lord Pearson of Rannoch and Lord Willoughby de Broke – have defected to UKIP.
The two peers are forming a UKIP group in the House of Lords in protest at the lack of “sufficiently Eurosceptic policy” in the Conservative Party. They go on to say that UKIP are the “only party telling the truth” about Europe.
Tories propose EVoEL bill
NEWS from BOB WALTER MP
Member of Parliament for North Dorset
Date: 13th December 2006
Release: ImmediateBOB WALTER MP’s BILL WILL PROPOSE ANSWER TO WEST LOTHIAN QUESTION
Robert Walter MP (North Dorset) today (13th December) launched a NEW bid to stop Scottish MPs voting on issues that only affect England and Wales.
Bob Walter will today present his Private Members Bill, House of Commons (Participation) Bill, to answer the “West Lothian Question” and create a new constitutional settlement between the constituent parts of the United Kingdom. The Bill is ranked 6th in the list and will be debated in Second Reading on Friday 9th March
Bob Walter’s Bill will provide for the Speaker of the House of Commons to have power to determine the eligibility of members of the House to participate in certain legislative and other proceedings. When the Commons debate matters concerning England and Wales, MPs from Scotland and Northern Ireland will not be able to participate.
Tam Dalyell, Labour MP for the Scottish constituency of West Lothian, posed in 1977 and 1978, and again in 1998, the West Lothian question during a House of Commons debate over Scottish and Welsh devolution. The question is – how can it be right that MPs representing Scottish constituencies in the Parliament of the United Kingdom have the power to vote on issues affecting England (including those that don’t affect Scotland), but English MPs do not have the power to vote on Scottish issues?
The text will be based on a Bill introduced in the House of Lords in the last session by Lord Baker. Critically, however, Bob Walter’s Bill will rectify a number of the problems raised with Lord Bakers Bill. Lord Baker’s Bill would have enabled Northern Ireland legislation at Westminster to be determined solely by the Northern Ireland MPs which would be contravening the spirit of the accord that has been struck between the various parties. The new Bill will regard England and Wales as one, until such time as the Welsh Assembly might acquire primary legislative powers.
It is anticipated that Bob Walter’s House of Commons (Participation) Bill will receive a second reading on Friday 9th March 2007.
Before presenting the Bill today, Bob Walter said,
“The present stage of devolution is unfair in that Scottish MPs at Westminster can vote on English and Welsh domestic affairs for which they have no constituency responsibility.”
“My Bill will meet the call for “English votes on English laws”. I do not believe we need to create a separate English parliament. We already have 428 MPs elected from English constituencies; it is perfectly possible for them alone to consider English legislation.”
“It clearly unfair that a Scottish MP can exercise a decisive vote on matters that do not affect Scotland, whilst neither he nor his English counterparts have any role in similar Scottish legislation.”
END
The CEP rightly wonders what happened to the Democracy Taskforce that were supposed to be deciding on the feasibility of EVoEL before they introduced a bill on it.
Boris for PM!
Boris is in trouble again. He’s committed the capital crime of suggesting that North British university students shouldn’t get free education courtesy of the English taxpayer.
The press are in a frenzy as Boris provides the only entertainment in an otherwise dull conference and people start demanding that he apologise for suggesting that North Britain is subsidised by the English.
Before I go on, a reminder of last years figures:
Scottish budget defecit – £11.3bn
North Sea oil receipts – £7bn
Net subsidy – £4.3bn
I hope Boris refuses to apologise. He is speaking up for his constituents and his fellow countrymen. He is merely echoing what more and more English people are saying themselves and for that he should be commended. If he’s going to get criticised every time he speaks out about something that isn’t party policy then it’s about time he stood for the leadership because, to be honest, Cameron is a bloody liability.
Boris for Prime Minister!
Cameron pushes EVoEM
David Cameron has reiterated his belief that English MP’s should be the only ones allowed to decide on English legislation.
He’s got the right idea in principle but the wrong solution. He is absolutely correct in saying that MP’s with constituencies outside of England should be barred from interfering in English matters in the same way that MP’s elected outside of England are barred from interfering in devolved matters in their own constituencies. However, English Votes on English Matters (EVoEM) is a ridiculous and unworkable proposal.
The Campaign for an English Parliament has produced a critique on EVoEM and openly invited any and all Tories or supporters of the policy to come forward and explain how it will work. Nobody has taken them up on this offer for the simple reason that EVoEM will not and can not work.
I really hope that EVoEM is a simple ploy to get Labour and Lib Dem MP’s to demand an English Parlaiament be set up to fix the massive constitutional and practical mess that EVoEM will cause because the alternative – that they think the policy will actually work – shows that the Tories are not only naive but bloody stupid.
Revised New Tory Logo
The Russian mafia have come across a revised version of the new Tory logo due to be release before the local elections in North Britain next year. The logo is thought to have been leaked by a junior officer within the Tory Party.
Seems like I was right*:
* This is made up
BBC confusing England and Britain again
The BBC is at it again, confusing England with Britain.
Apparently, the North British Conservative logo is bigger and leans less to the right than the English Conservative logo. Amazing really considering there is no English Conservative Party and no English logo. The Conservative Party that operates in England is the British Conservative Party and the logo of the British Conservative Party is the British logo.
New Tory Logo’s
The Tories have ditched their old copy of the BT logo in favour of an infant’s drawing of what is apparently an oak tree.
The cost of the logo – £40,000 – has raised a few eyebrows but they aren’t the only things the logo’s are raising. There are three versions of the logo – a North British, West British and British version. There’s no room for England in British politics, not even for Call me McDave‘s Tories who are unelectable outside of England.
As Iain Dale points out, it tilts slightly to the right. A nice touch if it was intentional but it would surely be more appropriate if it was a bit more pointed at the top so it was “tilted” permanently to the motherland?
That’s right Dave, it’s all our fault
I can’t be doing with politicians that say one thing in North Britain and one thing down here. It really, really pisses me off. If the North Britons are going to get all upset if you don’t tell them they’re all direct decendents of Jesus, deserve the nobel peace prize for services to anglophobia and generally the cream of society then don’t even bother talking to them – they’re a dead loss.
David Cameron has told a conference in North Britain that English ignorance of North Britons and North Britain is one of the biggest threats to the union. Racial hatred of the English which is reaching epidemic proportions north of the border, it would seem, is conducive to stronger union in Cameron’s mind.
I think David Cameron may have just lost the Tories the next election. If Labour stays in power because of his ineptitude, ignorance and vote-whoring I will personally track him down and ram a full set of bagpipes up his arse.
See Also:
An Englishman’s Castle
Campaign for an English Parliament
